


And there he goes

by Clovesstory



Series: And there he goes series. [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Death, Ghost Drifting, Grief/Mourning, I promise, Moving On, Multi, Not all angst, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 23:29:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19936297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clovesstory/pseuds/Clovesstory
Summary: Hey! I created this for a Yuri on Ice Angst Zine that raised money for a charity that provides a suicide helpline to youth.This story is loosely based on my own feelings of grief when I lost three family members in five years, but this is not meant to be sad <3 It is a love story first and foremost.Comments and Kudos are always appreciated <3 Thank you so much for reading





	And there he goes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bectara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bectara/gifts).



That moment, that moment when it all came crashing down.

Yuri Plisetsky, world champion, dead at 15 from an undiagnosed heart condition. 

It seems so simple but it knocked down a tiger. 

The strong, beautiful and powerful Yuri. Victor stops at a street corner for a quick breather. His runs get longer every day as he tries to block out the large number of memories flooding him constantly. ((  _ Why Yuri, why God, why would you take him? He did no wrong, he had so much going for him. Why didn’t you take me? Why damn it!? ))  _ Victor slams his fists into the concrete wall of the building in front of him, his anger and deep sadness controlling him and overwhelming him. ((  _ It’s too much, it’s too much. Why didn’t I know? Why didn’t I help? I could have. I could have done something, anything. We pushed him too hard, he stayed too late, he worked too hard. I pushed him to be this world champion and look where it got him... _ ))

“Are you done?” Yuri perches in his pearly white costume on a low fence near the older Russian, his left leg swinging. 

“Agape,” Victor gasps.

“Got it in one,” Yuri smirks and smoothes down his outfit, “I feel like an angel in this...” 

“Are you an angel, or have I gone mad?” 

“A little from column A and a little from column B.” 

Victor walks up to Yuri, as close as he can before reaching out a hand to Yuri’s face. The boy’s face is cold and smooth. “I can touch you, but how?” 

Yuri shrugs “I don’t know, I’m here to help all you grieving skaters get back on your game. My funeral was such a fiasco.” 

“I know, I was there,” Victor cringes as he remembers holding a drunk Otabek back while the man was smashing things all over the funeral home. 

The blood and the smashed vases, the people screaming and crying. Yuri’s grandfather being so sick he was confined to a wheelchair and cried the whole time. 

“Who gave Otabek vodka?” 

“We had it at the reception, I didn’t think about the fact that someone could get drunk and violent.” 

“It broke my heart. I was at the back of the chapel. I think, just for a split second, Grandpa knew I was there. He turned and smiled.” 

“I saw that... I didn’t know it was you.” 

“It was,” Yuri stands up on the fence before jumping down without a sound, “I don’t have much time, the trail of bad luck never seems to end.” 

“Da,” Victor looks away, tears falling from the corners of his eyes. 

“Hey, I love you.” 

“What?” Victor rubs his eyes and looks up. 

“I love you as my brother. I don’t have anyone else.” 

Victor wraps his arms around Yuri as best he can, “I love you too,” Yuri squirms after a few seconds too long of hugging and steps back. 

“You don’t have to go back to skating, but I believe that you didn’t really want to leave. Try one more year, maybe just go for presentation. And never forget that you are surrounded by love. This isn’t your fault and nobody thinks that.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I’ll go get Yuuri.” 

“What?” 

“Dasvidaniya, Vitya.” 

“Wait!” 

The boy fades into the air right in front of Victor’s eyes, it’s suddenly much darker and Victor doesn’t know where he is. “Yuuri?” 

* * *

It was the day before the teen’s 16th birthday, up until that point, all had been normal. Nothing out of the ordinary had occurred before the 28th of February. After that date, nothing was normal again.

Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy was an unknown medical condition to Yuuri back then, back when Yuri fainting on the ice was just exhaustion.

It was the most normal of training days when it happened. 

“Victor! Get your tongue out of the pig’s mouth!” 

Yuuri smiled with a small blush on his cheeks, he looks up at the ice blue eyes staring down at him, the silver strands tickling his cheeks. “Uh..” 

Victor sighed and kissed Yuuri’s forehead with a tender caress of lips on supple skin, “I know, protect the innocence...” 

“Hey!” 

“Yura! Again!” Lilia clapped her hands together, her ex-husband looked down at her with a look that could only be described as proud. 

Yuuri handed his skate guards to Victor and slid out onto the ice, “Did you stretch properly?” 

Yuuri rolled his eyes away from Victor’s view, “Yes, coach.”

“And you went for a run this morning?” 

“Yes, coach...” 

“And went to the gy-” 

“VITYA!” 

Victor flinched before folding his arms and glared at his old coach, “Yes?” 

“Katsuki has done everything you said, stop wasting time and train him already!” 

“You’re not my real dad...” 

“WHAT WAS THAT!?” 

“Nothing coach Yakov, sir.” Victor turned and leaned over his clipboard, “Okay, today's main focus is landing the flip consistently.” 

“How can I improve?” 

“Just watch the landing, your leg sort of does a hexagon shape instead of a clean circle.” 

A breathy scream rang through the rink out of nowhere.

Yuuri and Victor’s heads turned to the noise in a slight panic. ((  _ Not a bad fall, please let it be okay. That was not a normal scream. _ _ ))  _ Yuri clutched his chest, tears streaming down his face as he collapsed to his knees. Yuuri instantly knew this was not normal. Lilia cried out for someone to call an ambulance just as Yuuri fell to his knees beside the small teen. “Yura! Yura, are you okay?” Yuri shook his head, fear very apparent in his eyes as his fingers ripped at his training clothes. “WE NEED AN AMBULANCE! HELP!” 

Yuuri looked around. Lilia was shocked, Mila and Victor were crying, and Yakov held Georgi to his chest as the skater flailed in his coach's arms. No one could do anything but wait. Yuri’s eyes rolled back into his head in Yuuri’s arms as he went into cardiac arrest. “Yura... YURA!” 

  
  


With a loud gasp Yuuri sits up in bed, tears streaming down his face. When he pats at the cold place beside him, he knows that Victor isn’t there. He must be out for another late night run. He’s been doing that a lot since Yuri died. Yuuri curls up in a ball, his hands tight on his knees when the bed wiggles slightly, “Victor?” 

“Tch, yeah right.” 

Yuuri sits up and stares at the figure sitting on the bed beside him, “Y-Yuri?” 

“Hey Katsudon,” There he is. His blue Russia jacket sits over his plain black hoodie snugly, his black pants and red leopard print Vans. He looks untouched, innocent with a touch of anger, and completely healthy. 

“Why are you here?” 

“Oh well that’s nice. I come back from the dead and you ask why I’m here.” 

Yuuri reaches a hand out, he can’t feel Yuri but the young teen shivers. 

“Right through the nipple.” 

Yuuri frantically waves his hands in front of his fagce “I was going for your shoulder!” 

“Uh huh.” 

Yuuri wipes the tears that are still falling, he can’t stop. He hasn’t been able to stop for some time. 

“So ((  _ that’s )) _ why I’m here.” 

“What?” Yuuri sniffles, he looks up and wipes his nose on the end of his sleeve. 

“I’m here to help you get over me...” 

Yuuri breaks down in more sobs, “Y-Yuri! That’s a horrible thing to say!” Yuri awkwardly attempts to pat Yuuri’s shoulder, all Yuuri can feel is the goosebumps on his skin rising. “How could I just ‘get over it!’ That’s what everyone says, like it’s so easy! Like it’s easy to forget that a 15-year-old boy died on an ordinary day of training! Next thing we know, Chris falls and hurts himself on the ice, JJ broke off his engagement, Phichit has been getting harassed by online strangers, Victor went into depression and early retirement, god knows where Otabek is these days and Yakov and Lilia got back together! Actually, that last one is good but I was running out of things to say,” Yuuri flops to the bed, his glistening tears falling to the sheets below. 

A drop of water falls on his hand that didn’t come from his crying. 

“Y-Yura?” 

The teen has his head down, blond hair covering his face as tears fall. “I wish I was still alive, still by your side. I miss you.” 

“We miss you too,” Yuuri tries to brush the blond hair to the side but he’s just touching the air. 

“Yuri, you’re just a figment of my imagination.” 

“No I’m not,” Yuri looks up with a tender and raw look in his eyes. “I’m real, this is my spirit. I live on as long as you do.” 

“Then I’ll keep living!” 

“Go to Victor.” 

“What?” 

“He needs you.” 

Yuuri nods, it’s like the instructions and directions to his fianc é are already in his head. “But... You...” 

“I’ll be okay, go. I have more people to help.” 

“I’m not sure that you helped at all,” he teased in the same brotherly manner they were used to. 

“Well, I tried.” 

Yuuri giggles, “I miss you so much.” 

“I miss you too Katsudon...Yuuri.” 

In a blink an eye the boy is gone and only a few wet drops from his tears remain on the sheets. 

_ (( Victor… Victor! )) _

* * *

Yakov’s phone rings, waking Lilia from her beauty sleep. She groans and slides her eye mask up. “YAKOV!” She gets no response and slides out of bed, her boyfriend/ex-husband will be sleeping on the couch for the rest of his life at this rate. 

Yakov knows there is another bottle in the house but his mind is so foggy that he can’t remember where he hid it from Lilia. 

Said woman finds her way into the kitchen rubbing her eyes and holding the still ringing phone. “Put your bloody phone on silent next time!” 

He turns his back on her and continues searching, he doesn’t have enough sobriety in him to care about anything right now.

“Don’t you turn your back on me, Mister!” Lilia puts one hand on her hip while the other holds the phone out, “Answer.” 

“I don’t want to. Nothing good ever comes of it.” Pans and pots fall from the cupboard as he continues to search, grumbling under his breath about dying children and meaningless of life. 

Lilia takes Yakov’s arm tightly in her hand, “Stop. You’ve had enough.” 

“I say when I’ve had enough!” 

Lilia backs off and answers the phone herself. Yuuri’s panicked voice comes over. 

“Yakov! Please help! Victor is lost and I don’t know my way around these streets, and I don’t have a license, and he’s all alone, and...” 

“Yuuri. It’s Lilia, I have a bit of a situation myself...” She looks over at the now teary man slumped against the table leg. 

“W-What happened? Where’s Yakov?” 

“He’s just had one too many, I can’t leave now.” 

“Oh.. That’s okay. I’ll call someone else.” 

“Spasibo,  udachi.” 

“Thanks.” 

Lilia drops the phone on the counter and sits beside Yakov, her hand falls into his. “He wouldn’t want to see you like this.” 

Yakov wipes his nose loudly, “Who?” 

The look that Lilia gives Yakov shows that she is so done with his shit, and she is tired of this. ((  _ Why can’t men just be emotional? Why can’t they just talk instead of pushing it away until this happens? _ )) “Yurochka, Yakov. The young boy who wanted to make you proud on the world stage, who worked so hard for you, only to find you not grieving. To find you not showing any emotion for him. What would he say if he saw you like this?” 

“I’d say, ‘Get a grip old man!’” 

Yakov and Lilia simultaneously bolt upright and turn to the familiar Russian words. “Yuri!” They say in united disbelief. 

The blond sits on a chair with his legs crossed on the table, just like Lilia despised. His tight black training clothes fit snugly on his thin frame. “Madam Baranovskaya is right though, Yakov. I was very upset that you didn’t cry at my funeral.” 

Yakov blinks in surprise, unsure if his inebriated eyes are fooling him or not. He nudges Lilia frantically. “Do you see what I see?” 

“Unfortunately, yes.” 

“Unfortunately? Ouch… I came all this way.” Yuri smirks and taps his feet harder on the table, enjoying Lilia’s familiar flinch. 

“Yuri Plisetsky, get your feet off my mahogany table!” 

Yuri giggles and jumps into her arms. “I missed you!” 

Lilia feels only the lightest touch, a feather tickling her cheek. Tears soften her expression. She runs her fingers through blond hair even though she can’t truly feel it. 

Yuri’s feet drop down to the floor and he turns his annoyed attention to Yakov. “RIGHT! You need to get it together! Mila and Georgi are waiting for you to be their coach again, I’ve watched. You think you are doing a great job but the things your mouth says are garbled rubbish compared to the intelligent coaching you can do. Just... Remember me.” 

Yakov reaches out and pulls the young boy to his chest, feeling the warmth of the slight boy, “I can feel you.” Until he can’t. 

Yuri fades, the warmth in Yakov’s arms is soon replaced with Lilia’s. “It’s under the sink.” She pulls away from the embrace and walks back to their bedroom, leaving Yakov with a silent choice. 

He takes the vodka out from under the sink, instantly tipping the entire bottle down the drain. 

* * *

Skates skid across bumpy ice. It hasn’t been cleaned since the afternoon practice. “Alright boys, that’s enough for today.” 

“But Josef..” 

“Nope.” 

Chris is the first off the ice, he starts to pull his skates off but pauses as he watches the black haired beauty on the ice. 

Phichit spins a few more times before making his own way off the ice. “Did you see that Josef!? I did good right!?” 

Josef smiles and nods. When Chris asked him for a favour, he didn’t expect to have a funny and flamboyant skater that actually does what he’s told, unlike his own. “I’m sure Celestino will be impressed when he sees the video.” 

“Yay!” Phichit skips as much as he can in his skates before flopping down next to Chris so he can untie his own skates. “Hey.” 

“Hi, Peaches.” 

“This was a nice idea, had to get away from the black cloud over Russia.” Phichit’s phone buzzes, he picks it up with a grimace. ((  _ Can’t they just leave me alone… Why can’t I get away from their black cloud? I’ll delete instagram and make a new one, not the end of the world... My hamsters! Meh, they’ll be okay, I’ll just repost later. _ _ )) _

“Yeah, who’s still over there?” 

“Uh... Oh um, just Yuuri and Victor now. Poor Yuuri is heartbroken.” 

“So is Victor,” Chris sighs and leans back, his bare feet stretching back and forth, he lets out a small groan, his foot continues to ache from his battle with the ice not long ago. ((  _ Thank God it wasn’t worse. )) _

“I love them both, but I felt like I had this huge weight on my shoulders when I left. They wouldn’t let me go out to skate, so everything just boiled inside of me with no escape. All that fear and anxiety and energy.” 

“I thought you might like the brisk air of my beautiful, calm Switzerland.” 

Phichit smirks and bumps Chris’ shoulder with his own. “Oh yeah? You didn’t ask me over just to flirt relentlessly and touch my butt all the time?” 

Chris puts his hand on his heart with an innocent look. “Why, I never!” 

Phichit giggles and playfully hits Chris’ arm, which immediately migrates to Phichit’s skater butt, Phichit wiggles a little closer and rests his head on Chris’ arm. “We should go back soon.” Chris sighs and nuzzles into Phichit’s hair. 

“I guess so, Victor needs me.” 

“Yuuri needs me.” Phichit’s familiar ringtone starts up, the loud version of ‘Shall We Skate’ brings his attention away from Chris. “It’s Yuuri… He still thinks I’m in Russia!” He fumbles over the phone and manages to press Answer. “Helloooo..” 

“Phichit! Victor is lost out in the streets somewhere and I don’t know where to go, or how to find him, and I can’t go out alone!” 

“Yuuri... Um… I’m in Switzerland.” 

Yuuri’s frantic rambling comes to a stop. “What? Why?” 

“I needed to take a breather and I, well... Wait - Victor is missing!?” 

Chris snatches the phone and begins talking to Yuuri. As the two have an intense conversation that Phichit can’t hear, something catches his eye. Red flashes in the rink, followed by pink and black and yellow. Not yellow… Blond. He walks to the darkened rink, mesmerized by beautiful lunges performed on rough ice without even a little trouble. The figure skates past Phichit faster than anyone could go but it was all slow motion to Phichit. The green eyes and braided blond hair suddenly become clear. 

“Yuri?” 

Yuri smirks and throws himself into a quadruple axel effortlessly. A move he knew to be close to if not entirely impossible. He finds himself clapping and smiling. “Wow!” 

Yuri skates over to the boards and hops up on one beside Phichit.

“Wow! I’ve never seen anyone do that before. I won’t see that again.” 

“Well, perks of being dead I guess.” 

“Oh.. Sorry. I..” 

“It’s fine, I mean it kinda sucks but at least I’ll never know what it’s like to live without people I love.” 

“So you became wise?” 

Yuri shrugs. “My Grandmother whipped me into shape when I first passed, she’s a great woman. Crazy, but great.” 

Phichit chuckles. “Yeah, I know the feeling.” 

A light hand on Phichit’s back makes him jump slightly in surprise. The phone drops from Chris’ hand as he too spots the young teen’s ghost. “P-Phichit? Do you see what I see?” 

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” 

Chris screams as Yuri talks, falling to the ground as he scrambles away. 

“Chris! Wait!” 

“GHOST!” 

“Yeah it’s fine. Calm down.” 

“HE’S A FUCKING GHOST!” 

“OI!” Yuri stands in front of Chris with his hands on his hips, “Shut up, will you? I’m getting a headache, and I’m dead!” 

“W-Wha- Bu-But?” 

Phichit pulls the frightened older skater into his arms and strokes his hair soothingly, “He’s here to talk to us, not to harm us.” 

The blond smirks. “Yeah, maybe I should just spit it out before he runs out of here.” 

“Might be best.” Phichit chuckles. 

“First, get your asses back to Russia. Those old idiots can’t handle themselves alone, they are just so stupid. They need friends like you, take a break when you need to but please...Help them.” 

Phichit nods and looks down, guilt written across his face. 

“And second...” Yuri points at Chris. “Tell him already. It’s like I’m watching a bad soap opera. It’s obvious to everyone ((  _ but )) _ him.” 

Phichit glances between Yuri and Chris who share an annoyed look. “What is it?” 

“Dasvidaniya.” Yuri fades into the dark of the rink, leaving a shivering Chris and confused Phichit behind. 

“What was that all about?”

Chris runs a hand through Phichit’s hair before bringing his face down so he can kiss those lips he has been dreaming about. “That’s what it was about.” 

Phichit smiles widely and kisses Chris more deeply, ecstatic that his feelings are returned. 

* * *

“Yuri would have hated this!” Otabek swayed as he stood on a spare chair in front of hundreds of mourners. “He would hate all this crying and sniffling and hugs! He would have hated the lilies and the lack of leopard print! He would have told you  **_all_ ** that lilies  **_kill_ ** cats! You’re so stupid!” The strong hands of Victor, Yuuri, and Chris pulled the intoxicated man off the chair and they brought him back to his hotel room to sleep it off. Otabek awoke the next morning with tears in his eyes and a pounding headache, he ruined his best friend’s funeral and he can’t make up for that. He can’t do anything right. Yuri would be so ashamed. 

Otabek isn’t stupid, he knows he had feelings for Yuri that could not be explained by a mere crush. He knows Yuri is gone, he knows but he won’t accept. He stays off the ice and away from competitions. Surely Yuri will win, he will keep getting gold. Yeah.

It seems like a never ending serenade of people saying the same old thing: “Sorry for your loss, it must be so hard.” Or even, “Did you hear about that crazy guy who ruined the whole funeral?” 

Or the worst, “Why would you sully the memory of a sweet, up-and-coming young figure skater?” That’s the one that keeps Otabek up at night. 

Otabek is still staying in the hotel room that he booked the night of Yuri’s funeral. His bill for the accommodations is skyrocketing, but he can't bring himself to go. His logic being that if he leaves, it will all be over. If he leaves, Yuri will really be gone. Yuri’s death is a fact that his heart is not ready to accept. 

His phone rings late one night, he is awake and packing his bags. “Hello.” 

“Otabek! It’s me Yuuri, I need your help! Victor went out for a walk and hasn’t come back! I know where he is but I don't have a license!” 

“What do you want me to do about it?” 

_ (( Go... Go, asshole... )) _

“I mean.. Give me ten mins.” Otabek grabs his rental car keys and runs down from his hotel room. He hops in his car and speeds to Victor and Yuuri’s place, where he had spent a night with his best friend. 

“Otabek, thank God!” Yuuri runs out of the house and jumps into the passenger side, his phone in hand. “Okay. Drive to the end of this street and turn right.” Otabek nods and drives slowly along the dark streets, Yuuri is quiet, except to tell Otabek when to turn left or right. 

“VITYA!” Yuuri shrieks, perking up like a puppy and jumping out of the car. Otabek pulls the car to a stop and groans. 

“Yuuri! Jesus… Let’s not do that in the dark of night.” 

The two reunite with a kiss and a cuddle, sickeningly sweet display. What Otabek himself will never have. 

The two laugh nervously in the backseat about Victor’s terrible sense of direction. “Next time please bring your phone, I called everyone, I was so worried...” 

“I’m sorry darling, I didn’t mean to worry you. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Yura.” 

“Me neither, he brought me to you.” 

Victor nuzzles into Yuuri’s shoulder and smiles tearfully. “He’s a good boy at heart.” 

Yuuri’s arms tighten around Victor. “He was, he will always live on with us.” 

“Always.” 

Otabek tries to stay together while listening to the two older men, he can’t bear to hear that name, the diminutive name. Yura. His hands clench the steering wheel as he drives the two back to their place, their home. 

Otabek doesn’t know where home is anymore, he thought it was Russia but now It’s… Empty. 

* * *

“Canada?” Yuuri squeals over the phone, a courtesy call before Otabek left the country. “You don’t have to do that! You could live with Victor and me! He’s not as... Intense, as he seems.” 

“Yuuri, this is a goodbye call. I’m literally on the plane right now.”

“Wha-”

“Have to turn phones off now. Goodbye, and I’ll call one day.” 

“O-Okay, have fun.” 

“Bye...” 

Otabek knows all of one person in Canada. ((  _ Not JJ… Why would you do this to me? _ _ )) _

“He’s just a friend.”

_ (( I hope he stays that way. )) _

Jean greets Otabek with a solemn hug at the airport, he hadn’t really been the same since the break-up. 

“Hey, Beks.” 

“Hey, Jean.”

The two manage only those words on the short trip to JJ’s lonely apartment. The view from the fifth floor is stunning, the mountains are outlined by a setting sun, a pink hue surrounding white snow. A packed suitcase hits the floor. Otabek can’t help but walk to the balcony doors, the sunset reflected in his eyes. “Wow.” (( _Go out, have a look. ))_ “Can we go out?” 

Jean looks up and smiles, the dark silhouette of his friend bringing life back into him, just as he had hoped after the first call from Otabek. “Sure.” Jean reaches past Otabek, his hand brushing the soft fabric of Otabek’s sweater so he can unlock the door. The two walk out, the balcony is small, a metal swing chair sits in the corner with some small pots of various herbs. 

_(( Why the fuck does JJ have so many herbs? ))_ “Why do you have all this?” 

Jean chuckles, “I like to cook. I’d love to make you something one day.” 

_ (( Ew, is he asking you out on a date? Tch, like he could get you _ _. )) _

Otabek shrugs, “I’d rather cook.” 

“Oh. That’s... Fine.” Jean’s head lowers to the railing, his arms shaking slightly. “Beks, I’m excited to live with you.” 

_ (( You want to live with him!? Go get a hotel, I don’t know why you came here in the first place. )) _

“Shut up!” ((  _ Stop it Yuri! _ _ )) _

Jean looks up with distraught features, a glimmer of lost in his eyes. “When did you start letting him make your decisions?”

Otabek keeps staring into the sunset but Jean can see his eyebrow raise. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

“I mean that since he passed, you listen to him. You no longer make decisions on your own.” 

“That’s not true, I left skating on my own.” 

_ (( I told you to, you loved it, remember? It took up too much time… Too much of our time.  _ _ )) _

“I wish you’d come back, I miss the competition.” Jean laughs lightly and shuffles a little closer.

“It’s not my world anymore.” 

_ (( Yes it is. Go back to it. )) _

Jean’s hand intertwines with Otabek’s, their shoulders bumping gently as they stare at the sunset from Jean’s balcony.

Otabek expected to recoil from the touch, he expected the touch to feel wrong. But it’s just so right. Their hands join in such a simple and innocent way, he can’t help his fingers fitting so perfectly with Jean’s. It borders on ‘meant to be’ a bit too much for Otabek, but, he can’t bring himself to pull away.

_ (( What are you doing!? _ _ )) _

“It’s what I want to do.” 

Jean smiles, he knows those words weren’t meant for him but he appreciates the other man’s efforts to say them anyway. Otabek is fighting his love for a dead boy every single day. “It’s what I want too.” 

Otabek smiles and leans his head against Jean’s shoulder, he finally notices the sparkle in Jean’s eye that was missing when he got engaged. He finally realises the reason Jean was such an ass to everyone, how he craved attention. 

So that Otabek would pay attention, so he would notice. 

* * *

“Are you sure? We can still turn back if it’s too much.” 

“Jean, I did not come all the way to Russia and break up your training schedule just to go back to Canada with my tail between my legs.” 

Jean knows how nervous Otabek is, he never talks this much and in this tone of voice. “I still have to ask if you’re sure, for my own piece of mind.” 

Otabek tightens his grip on the single rose in his hands, his legs shaking. “Yeah, I need to do this. I have to let him go.” Since that night on the balcony, the voices have quieted. Otabek suspects they always were quiet but he forced them to be loud, he let them in. 

Jean leans over and pecks Otabek on the cheek gently. “I’m here if you need me.” 

“Thanks.” Otabek opens the car door and makes his way through the empty cemetery, the older gravestones are the closest, with crumbling statues and moss-covered marble. The dates become more recent as Otabek gets closer. It’s easy to spot his first love’s grave, the mountain of flowers and wreaths and cards overflows over every grave surrounding it. He smiles at a small cat toy and lays his rose next to it. ((  _ I should have bought a little cat sculpture or something. )) _

“Yes, you should have.” Yuri sits cross-legged on his gravestone, his hair flowing in non-existant wind. He wears Otabek’s large leather jacket which hangs way too loose over his small frame, his “Welcome to the Madness” singlet rests underneath. 

“Hey, Yur- Yura.” 

“Hey, Beka. I’ve missed you.” 

Otabek smiles, a lone tear sliding down his cheek. “I miss you too, but..” 

“But..?” 

Otabek sighs, this feels so easy and so hard at the same time. He knows he has to let Yuri go but he also knows the consequences of letting the voices fade. He won’t have those sweet Russian words flowing through, keeping him sane. But he has help now, he asked for help. He can do this. He can let him go. “It’s time to let you go now, you’re gone. I have to move on, I have to let you go.” 

The hurt grimace on Yuri’s face quickly changes to one of relief to Otabek’s surprise. “That’s what I was waiting for!” 

“What?” Otabek wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, “Waiting for what?”

“For you, for you to come and see me. For you to forgive yourself.” Yuri perches on his gravestone, his leg dangling over the last syllable of his name. “For you to let me go.” 

“We would have been so good together..” 

“I know, but, shit happens. I’ll be your first love, not your only. If you want JJ then do it. I’m okay, I promise. Grandpa will be here soon, I can feel it.” Yuri shivers and stands, his pale skin becoming more transparent now that Otabek let him go.

“Where will you go?” 

“On.” Yuri smiles and walks straight into Otabek’s arms, although he is fading. 

Otabek can feel him fully. Warmth and love and his hair, he can smell his scent and he takes in all he can before Yuri pulls away with a smirk. 

“Your boyfriend is worried about you.” 

“He’s not my...” 

Yuri flicks his hair and smiles as he fades into the light behind him, his green eyes glimmer the longest. Even Jean sees the pop of green before Yuri fades into the wind and the light. Warm arms wrap around Otabek’s waist, a smooth chin rests on his shoulder. 

“I let him go.” 

“You set him free.” 

Otabek grins with watery eyes, the elastic around his heart loosens. He can finally breathe. Maybe even love again. Maybe Jean is the one to love, maybe he will remain a close friend. Who knows what life may bring, but Otabek will always remember those stunning green eyes of his first love. Always and forever. 


End file.
